Sat. Mar 25th, 2023

Welcome back to Cover Snark! This one is a doozy.

Bucked by the Alien by Loki Renard.  A shirtless man with 800 abs and curved horns.  He's surrounded by radioactive green swirls and goats in accessories like a bowtie and a face mask.

From Letty: I just stumbled upon what I felt was the most bonkers cover I have seen in a while. Is he dirty? Hairy? I have questions about horn maintenance, their current state seems like a recipe for a danger bang. And why does one goat has a smart watch? I’m so confused. It was too good not to send to you all.

Sarah: This is a whole story, this cover. Possibly a multi-book series. WOW.

Tara: My first thought was “but will there be goat yoga?”

Sarah: You know, I think you’ve discovered the next yoga trend. Goat Yoga

Elyse: I saw an episode of 911 (which I’m sure was entirely accurate) where a woman got a parasite in her eye from goat yoga, so that’s not a thing I can do now

Sarah: …I have a few questions.

Tara: Oh, goat yoga is already a thing. Now I’m just hoping for goat yoga in space, apparently.

AJ: Is the goat on the right wearing a fetish mask and a Fitbit, or have I lost my frail grasp on reality in the face of … whatever this is

Laura: The goat on the left has a very nicely tied bow. Wish I could tie a bow like that…

Hearts in the Wind by MJ Williams.  A tractor in a giant field with wind turbines, though it doesn't really scream sapphic romance or a romance at all.

Tara: This cover doesn’t scream sapphic romance to me.

Sarah: Nice turbines.

Erect, ominous turbines.

Amanda: I’m so glad I’m not the only one who finds those giant turbines ominous.

shana: This cover looks like the beginning of a sapphic thriller: Barb was tilling the field when she accidentally ran over the body of her ex-lover. Can she convince the town’s surly butch sheriff that she’s not the killer? Or will she lose her freedom…and her heart?

Snowman with Benefits by Marshall Thornton.  A ripped snowman wearing a red speedo, a top hat, carrot nose, and smoking a pipe.  One hand is holding a pair of bells and the other hand seems to be in his underpants.

From Misti: I can’t remember if we’ve seen this one but figured it was the right season to see it again.

Sarah: I don’t know that I agree that there is any season that is right for this.

But it is worth seeing. Head tilts are good for stretching my neck.

Elyse: What the hell happened to his other hand?

Tara: I just started yelling “No” at my computer and Neil said “I’m surprised that hasn’t been done before. Slushy wet fuck, get your snowman with benefits.”

Elyse: Like, and I hate my brain for going there, wouldn’t his parts melt inside someone else’s parts? Or feel like Edward Cullen’s popsicle dick?

Tara: Maybe he has to be with another snowman?

Elyse: And is this a pristine new snowman or the kind you make after the plow has been through a few times and the snow is dirty and salted

Tara: Maybe those are the benefits.

Elyse: Gritty, dirty snow fucking.

Full Sack by Layla Thae.  A shirtless man is positioned behind a turkey.  Tea "word" sack is also written in a drippy white font.

Elyse: I don’t…no.

Just no.

Sarah: I didn’t know we had to say please don’t fuck the turkey but apparently we need to say please don’t fuck the turkey.

Amanda: Okay but why a turkey and not a Santa impersonator with the “sack” pun?

Unless the sack is the pouch of giblets inside the turkey.

Elyse: OMG one year we got one of those take and bake Thanksgiving meals from the store. My mother in law was going to cook which apparently meant put the bird in the oven and then we do the rest when we come? But we didn’t know that.

Cut to my sister and I frantically cooking and plating while hungry people complain and my sister asks “wait, where’s the bag of gravy.”

It’s nowhere to be found. Cut to us slowly turning to look at the oven..:

Sarah: Just think of all the large holiday meats. Could be a series! Turkey, ham, roast beef, FUCKIN’ THE TURDUCKEN.

Elyse: I convinced my nephew that turducken was turtle, duck and chicken when he was little.

Gotta butter up the shell to get it in there.

By cb2gp