Sat. Jun 10th, 2023

Cattle Decapitation will release their new record Terrasite on May 12, whose concept takes place after the world-ending events of Death Atlas. So we sat down with Cattle Decapitation vocalist and sayer of doom Travis Ryan to discuss how he’d prefer that cataclysmic event to go down.

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The following was written by Ryan. Pre-orders for Terrasite are available here.

Giant Asteroid Either The Size Of Earth Or Larger

I think the best way to go would be everyone all at once, completely vaporized. I once read that if the Earth tilted violently off of its axis, your body would hit the nearest mountain in the blink of an eye. That’s obviously the best way to go. You wouldn’t at all know what hit you. Our brains couldn’t process that information quick enough. Not too fun, but then there’s…

Alien Invasion

This would only be fun if it was conventional warfare of sorts, not this War Of The Worlds shit where they overpower the shit out of us with gigantic weaponry. It’d be interesting to see us finally experience Red Dawn, but on a level where no human has a chance to win, but we do our best anyways. Unless we were more fortified. Not sure how well a .308 round would hold up against some plasma ray or whatever the fuck they would have, but it’d be interesting to try. Right before being vaporized from the inside out or something gnarly like that.

The Great Animal Uprising Of 2030

A virus that affects everything other than Homo sapiens infects every organism in the Kingdom Animalia, and they in turn quadruple in size and turn on humanity. Cows the size of a school bus just mowing over houses. Orcas devouring trawlers. Or fuck it… ALL animals on earth suddenly become the size of King Kong and Godzilla. And they all just duke it out while we run helplessly screaming for cover.

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The Flying Spaghetti Monster Armageddon

Now how funny would it be if it wasn’t Jesus… it wasn’t his dad… it wasn’t Allah… that would ring in the apocalypse and confirm themselves to humanity as the “one true god”, but it was in fact a giant flying spaghetti monster. I’d be pointing and laughing at everyone around me as a giant noodle splits me, and the rest of the world, in half. Turning all people of earth into a meaty humarinara sauce.

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